Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Karma Has Dreadlocks...

Hello. A wise bear once told me "...if you do bad things, bad things will happen to you - that's just karma."   The bear was right you know.

I'm a nice blogger who does nice things, yet bad things do still happen to me - I stubbed my toe the other day. Horrific. So you know it isn't an exact science, but the theme is generally sound.

Jeremy Bamber is a good egg; he doesn't do bad things like stealing schoolkids' lunch money, farting at a vicar or murdering his entire family, for instance. Yet bad things are happening to him - like spending about 30 years in prison as an innocent man. Not good.

However, karma is alive and well in some parts of Essex and beyond. Some might say that those who spend their time collecting things like hoover dust and vast, vast amounts of sound moderators have indeed done some naughty things in their time, so what might become of them?

If life has a natural justice, then it shall come to pass that they'll be violated quite substantially by this lady. Her name is Kharma. She's a professional wrestler, you know. And a big one at that. Look at the size of her.

You wouldn't want her to leap on top of you now would you? No sir. I am afraid however it may be unavoidable. The folk who conspired to send Jeremy to prison will soon gaze into the future and see this hurtling towards them at considerable speed, albeit in a metaphorical way. We couldn't possibly afford to hire "Kharma" to go around and sit on them all, as quirky as that would be.

A glimpse into the future!
So, like any good soap opera and like any good professional wrestling match, karma tends to follow a bit of a script and the outcome is already determined - life merely allows us to live through to that ending. For those of us with the power to think independently (and the ability to count bodies accurately and tell the difference between 'male' and 'female'...); what happens next is clear.

Kharma's a bitch! She also looks good with dreadlocks...

Thursday, 7 November 2013

The Generation Gap!

Ahh Bruce Forsyth. What an institution, what an icon - what a chin!

I did enjoy his Generation Game back in the day. What super telly that was. Do you remember it? The conveyor belt, the cuddly toy, the "didn't they do well?!"  Yep, real majesty. Some people playing the game were pretty good, too. Some of them not so much. It got me thinking about the extended relatives of Jeremy Bamber, the man rather bafflingly jailed for murdering his entire family despite, er, not actually having murdered his entire family. Always thought that was amazing, too.

Anyhow, what pulled it all together for me was this absolute scream of a read in the East Anglian Daily Times. Have a look:

Feature: Osea Road Leisure Park

It is essentially a super-duper review of how splendid business is at the thriving Osea Road Leisure Park in Maldon, Essex. It talks to you about how current head honcho Janie Robison is the latest in a sterling line of family members through the generations to have worked at, in or around the facility as its ownership has passed on over the years.

The only thing that stops this feature being right up there with #1 Best Selling Book* "Framing Bamber For Dummies" is the fact that there is a massive gap in there somewhere. About a 20-year gap, I'd say.  It's an exhaustive read about how awesome the family are and how they've pulled together, stayed close and battled adversity to grow this seemingly dead-end bizz into a real Essex superpower. Good on them. Except there's no mention of June Bamber - sister to Janie's granny Pamela Boutflour - who ran the entire show for two decades. That's a pretty big gap in the Generation game, folks!

I can't think of why that is. Granted, they didn't pen the article themselves - and you'd never read mum Ann's handwriting anyhow (something about a big footprint or something? *shrugs*) but why are they not pushed on this particular part in the businesses history?  Might it be because, as they see it, Houdini Jeremy killed June and the rest of the family and they wish to forget all of that, even if it means blotting her out? Possibly, but they certainly benefited financially from his conviction emphatically enough and managed to keep the same lampshades and wallpaper in the apparent killing house, so it's a theory hardly likely.

Could it be the fact that Jeremy's relatives had motive to lie in court at Jeremy's trial and covered up the fact that they would indeed be much, much better off were he imprisoned? Could it be that, as part of what they later inherited, Osea Road Leisure Park is actually a painful reminder of the past for this reason rather than the loss of Jeremy's mum, dad, sister and nephews?

I won't go on and on and theorise and make accusations - I'll only repeat the simple fact based in irrefutable proof: they DID have considerable motive to lie in court at Jeremy's trial and the jury were never told the full story.

The funny thing is, we're asked to believe Jeremy Bamber killed his family for money and are told we can accept that as motive. Yet it's apparently inconceivable that extended family members who stand to inherit and benefit financially can play a role in the imprisonment of a man who is innocent because to say so is fanciful. If I asked you to kill a man or frame a man, which would you think were easiest to do? Certainly it is a true fact that Ann Eaton said she could 'live with' Jeremy being imprisoned despite being innocent. 

Still, we rock on and the fight continues. I keep the theme tune to the Generation Game in mind.  "Life," it says, "is the name of the game, and I wanna play the game with YOU!"

Given he's had near 30 years in jail, there are those who indeed tried to "play the game" when it came to Jeremy's life. They're now about to lose very, very badly and this time there isn't a cuddly toy big enough to make the pain go away.

But didn't they do well!!

* Sold once, but it was bloody well used.