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Friday, 12 July 2013

Bamber to (Moon) Walk Free?

Presumably this is how our man Bamber will exit his cell...
 I’ve got a problem.

I woke up this morning, looked at the telly box and saw that Gordon Brown was still Prime Minister. What the bugger am I gonna do?

It gets worse.

Katie Price and Peter Andre are getting divorced, Wogan is quitting the breakfast show, I’ve gone and caught Swine Flu and Michael Jackson has just died!!!! Ahh!

Yes folks, it is 2009 again. Or at least some time around then anyway.

I know this cos David Boutflour tells me so in the newspaper I was using to dab the wee wee out of my cat’s litter box this morning.

Big bad murderer man Jeremy Bamber is in prison you see, and Mr Boutflour suggests there is no chance he should be released for at least another three or four years from now, maybe 2012 or 2013?

He says:  "He should stay in prison unless he is proven innocent or he has served the time suggested by the judge."

Well that’s super news! Cos the Judge said a minimum of 25 years, David. Wakey wakey, It’s actually 2013 and 25 years passed a long, long time ago. Does that mean Jeremy can come out to play now?

 As for “unless he is proven innocent”, well now you’re just being a saucy devil. We got that one sorted many a year ago you silly bean.

Luckily some of us, after all this time, now know stuff that you know, but nobody else does. Isn’t that good fun.

Let’s party, like it’s 1999!! Or should that be 2009??

Monday, 8 July 2013

Guest Blog: Classified Bamber!

CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENT:
Souvenirs from Tolleshunt D’arcy

c/o Any Cop shop in Essex, other outlets Huntingdon Labs, Sandridge labs, Cambs.


For one week only (or maybe 28 years)
you too can own your own

“Paper Weight Silencer” replica
worth £425,000 for the bargain price just £2.99.

Yes, this unique Parker Hale MM1 antique from 1985, comes as either a single item (DRB/1) or as a fabulous set of 4 matching paper weights - with their own exhibit reference numbers. Yes classic names such as: DB/1, NB/1 and SBJ/1 and it’s only £4.99 for the entire set!

The silencer comes complete with a ‘certificate of authenticity’ known as an ‘exhibit label’ which has been crossed out and resigned by many different forensic scientists, police officers and witnesses.

And for only an extra 99p, you too could possess this fabulous second exhibit label also signed by different witnesses, yes that’s different witnesses!

CUSTOMER TESTIMONIES!
“I had SBJ/1 on my desk for months, it stopped all fabrications from blowing up in my face for a trial and three police investigations. It’s only a shame I had to hand it to the exhibits officer.”

Mr Mick Ainsley of Osea Road Caravan Park Security, Maldon. [formerly DI Ainsley, Essex Police].

“DRB/1 Helped us secure the conviction of Jeremy Bamber so we could claim the estate for ourselves, comes highly recommended.”
D, Boutflour, Farmer, Wix.