Tuesday, 1 April 2014

You'll Never Believe It!!

Have you heard the news? What a crazy day…

First I heard on the radio that we now have to eat SEVEN portions of fruit and vegetables per day to maintain a healthy lifestyle, upgraded from five.

Then I saw in my newspaper that chickens are starting to lay square eggs… Horrendous!

And now I’ve just discovered that we’re jailing innocent men… What’s going on there?

Word has it that, back in 1985, a young mother suffering from mental illness tragically took the lives of her parents and children before her own. Unbelievably traumatic, yes. But, without the support mechanisms that many of those in her condition would benefit from nowadays, it is not entirely unfathomable.

Anyway… soon after, folks started poking the finger at her brother, Jeremy. Not seemingly for any particular reason – i.e. him actually committing the offences  - but more likely out of either shame, embarrassment, greed or any share of the above.

In any case, I hear this Jeremy ended up in jail, and is still there! This despite the fact that he managed to apparently kill five persons (his own family in their own home, don’t forget) without leaving a single trace of evidence.

A fair few people buggered up and fluffed their lines here so tracks needed to be covered (like bicycle tracks in mud, only there weren’t any), lies needed to be told and corruption needed to be committed! Oh yeah it sounds like they had a right old knees-up making sure he took the fall.

What an affair. Flying bikes, wet suits, clocks that work backwards, tricks of the light, musical telephones and a bowl of sugar. And you did read me right – this was back in 1985. Nearly 30 years ago!

Okay, okay. APRIL FOOLS!!!!

 This news story was also not quite true...

Hahaha! Did I get you?? Sorry, I just couldn’t hold it in any more. I’ve just actually wet myself!

Come on. You didn’t actually think we’d jail someone for life for murdering five members of his own family without any evidence or fact to base the conviction on, did you?

You didn’t genuinely believe that the half-cocked, Jeremy-has-horns HOBNOB theories did you?

No, no. You silly beans. That sort of thing doesn’t happen in the real world. Happy April Fools, everyone!