Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Bamber Book Club

I do love a good read and write session, you know. That’s why I made a blog after all. Can’t beat a good book.

So it got me thinking: What if Jeremiah Bamberoonie (Jeremy Bamber to you and I) wrote himself a book about the adventures, thrills and spills of the last 30-or-so years? What form might it take?

After all, that whole suffering the devastating loss of your whole family with absolutely no victim support, being accused of killing them with absolutely no evidence whatsoever and then imprisoned for life for it – despite that imprisonment being totally illegal in itself….  Yes, I’m sure that’s a real squeal of a tale and would give 50 Shades a run for its money in terms of sauce!

Seriously,  Jeremy will be free soon enough, that’s for sure, and if he ever feels like penning his story then it will definitely shame a lot of people. For now, we can only speculate. It could look like this, for instance:

Sort of like an Alcatraz-cum-Shawshank excitement feel to it, don’t you think? I like the idea that it’s all about to change and that for the clutch of weirdos who happily made this happen to him there will be no way back. So yes, I suspect it might be something like that.

If that’s the ‘good eggs’, what about the ‘bad eggs’? Any idea what their book would look like?

Well, funny you should ask – cos I’ve managed to snare me a copy. I did enquire originally if I could be sent a copy but was told that they had all been destroyed/could not be traced, and yet low and behold, I found it! Bit of a recurring theme.

Anyway, here it is:

The ‘explains-all’ textbook on how to imprison Jeremy Bamber. Would go very nicely with the Cooking with Jeremy tutorial, from a past blog.

Just as well it’s an idiot’s guide, eh?

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

Bamber, Tea Monster

Ooooh I tell you, that Bamber - he's really gone and done it now! Flipping heck! I'm livid, fuming, angry, furious and hopping mad!

Why such commotion, you ask? Well, Jeremy's latest blog of course. Haven't you read it? Of course you haven't read it, you'd be marching outside Full Sutton with flimsy banners proclaiming "BAMBER'S A BEAST!" if you'd read it.

Let me fill you in. Jeremy Bamber prefers coffee and for the life of him cannot stand to drink tea. Can you believe that?? Leaves a fur on the tongue, he says. The sheer cheek of the man. I know, I know - your blood must be boiling!

Think of those poor PG Tips monkeys, for instance. They'll be out of a job after this. Those fellas from Tetley? No chance - out on the street; homeless and penniless, and it'll be all Jeremy's fault.

He's done some things in his time (apparently taking the lives of his entire family without leaving a single trace of evidence or being spotted by a single witness, for instance - what a feat of apparent majesty that was...) but this takes the biscuit - the tea and biscuit, that is!

Of course, in reality, I should wind my neck in and stop making such a song and dance out of everything Jeremy has to say. I guess it's just what I'm used to. He said he was innocent, how they shouted... He said he feared his sister, mentally ill, may have been behind the killings - how they lambasted him. He said he would fight until one day he was free... My, how they said it was HOBNOB.

In reality of course, much of what Jeremy says is true and isn't at all sensational. Especially the bit about one day being free - thankfully we can all count on that one being virtually gospel. As for his latest blog? He's starting a 29th year in prison as an innocent man. Now that'd be worth getting angry about, wouldn't it? 

As ever, the clock ticks and the tide turns. Slowly? Yes, but it turns...