Monday, 23 December 2013

Planet Zogg's Sleepy Juror...

The Daily Knobbler - 23/12/13

Jeremy Bamber is to be sensationally FREED following almost 30 years wrongfully imprisoned after a sleeping juror from his 1986 trial discovered the prosecution was "total hobnob", the Knobbler can exclusively reveal.

Despite there being no forensic evidence whatsoever to link him to the crime of shooting his entire family, Bamber was bafflingly jailed by a 10-2 majority almost three decades ago, the lowest 'majority' permitted.

However in a bombshell revelation, it has been discovered that one of the jurors sitting on the case  - a man named Shamjus Tiss - actually missed huge chunks of evidence presented, having wrapped himself in a in a duvet and snuggled down to sleepy times while the court was in session.

Now, having finally caught up with some of what he missed, Mr Tiss confirmed exclusively to the Knobbler that he will be retrospectively changing his vote towards Bamber's guilty verdict to 'not-guilty.' And, with no majority verdict in place, it's thought the prisoner is in the process of being released.

"I've got to be honest with you; I slept through most of the trial," Shamjus commented to us. "None of it seemed to make any sense to me and it was insufferably boring.

"Nope, none of it really made any sense - there was no evidence against him to speak of and all we heard about was how Bamber was flying around Essex in a wet-suit on some pink bicycle - or was that a dream, too?

"Anyway, I dropped off for about three days and when it came time to cast our votes, a lot of folks were telling me he was guilty, though not all of them. Another juror said to me that as they'd heard the silencer evidence again - while I had slept - that he must surely be guilty. Lest I look like a tit, I followed the majority and stuck my hand up for 'guilty.'

"But the other day I was looking around the internet and discovered a load of stuff I'd missed and thousands of documents that have since become available that show most of what was at court was nothing more than total hobnob."

Realising his error Mr Tiss - who'd lived on planet Zogg prior to his revelation but is thought now to be residing in the UK - phoned through his change-of-heart to a local police station, though the exact details of his call are unknown given to the fact that nobody at the station can read the clocks on the wall.

It's not believed the fact Mr Tiss is changing his mind retrospectively is likely to be a problem - authorities retrospectively upgraded Bamber's 25-year prison sentence more than 28 years ago without telling a soul and that was seen as perfectly acceptable. 

Planet Zogg is still thought to be the only place where Bamber's guilt is still believed. 

Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Karma Has Dreadlocks...

Hello. A wise bear once told me "...if you do bad things, bad things will happen to you - that's just karma."   The bear was right you know.

I'm a nice blogger who does nice things, yet bad things do still happen to me - I stubbed my toe the other day. Horrific. So you know it isn't an exact science, but the theme is generally sound.

Jeremy Bamber is a good egg; he doesn't do bad things like stealing schoolkids' lunch money, farting at a vicar or murdering his entire family, for instance. Yet bad things are happening to him - like spending about 30 years in prison as an innocent man. Not good.

However, karma is alive and well in some parts of Essex and beyond. Some might say that those who spend their time collecting things like hoover dust and vast, vast amounts of sound moderators have indeed done some naughty things in their time, so what might become of them?

If life has a natural justice, then it shall come to pass that they'll be violated quite substantially by this lady. Her name is Kharma. She's a professional wrestler, you know. And a big one at that. Look at the size of her.

You wouldn't want her to leap on top of you now would you? No sir. I am afraid however it may be unavoidable. The folk who conspired to send Jeremy to prison will soon gaze into the future and see this hurtling towards them at considerable speed, albeit in a metaphorical way. We couldn't possibly afford to hire "Kharma" to go around and sit on them all, as quirky as that would be.

A glimpse into the future!
So, like any good soap opera and like any good professional wrestling match, karma tends to follow a bit of a script and the outcome is already determined - life merely allows us to live through to that ending. For those of us with the power to think independently (and the ability to count bodies accurately and tell the difference between 'male' and 'female'...); what happens next is clear.

Kharma's a bitch! She also looks good with dreadlocks...

Thursday, 7 November 2013

The Generation Gap!

Ahh Bruce Forsyth. What an institution, what an icon - what a chin!

I did enjoy his Generation Game back in the day. What super telly that was. Do you remember it? The conveyor belt, the cuddly toy, the "didn't they do well?!"  Yep, real majesty. Some people playing the game were pretty good, too. Some of them not so much. It got me thinking about the extended relatives of Jeremy Bamber, the man rather bafflingly jailed for murdering his entire family despite, er, not actually having murdered his entire family. Always thought that was amazing, too.

Anyhow, what pulled it all together for me was this absolute scream of a read in the East Anglian Daily Times. Have a look:

Feature: Osea Road Leisure Park

It is essentially a super-duper review of how splendid business is at the thriving Osea Road Leisure Park in Maldon, Essex. It talks to you about how current head honcho Janie Robison is the latest in a sterling line of family members through the generations to have worked at, in or around the facility as its ownership has passed on over the years.

The only thing that stops this feature being right up there with #1 Best Selling Book* "Framing Bamber For Dummies" is the fact that there is a massive gap in there somewhere. About a 20-year gap, I'd say.  It's an exhaustive read about how awesome the family are and how they've pulled together, stayed close and battled adversity to grow this seemingly dead-end bizz into a real Essex superpower. Good on them. Except there's no mention of June Bamber - sister to Janie's granny Pamela Boutflour - who ran the entire show for two decades. That's a pretty big gap in the Generation game, folks!

I can't think of why that is. Granted, they didn't pen the article themselves - and you'd never read mum Ann's handwriting anyhow (something about a big footprint or something? *shrugs*) but why are they not pushed on this particular part in the businesses history?  Might it be because, as they see it, Houdini Jeremy killed June and the rest of the family and they wish to forget all of that, even if it means blotting her out? Possibly, but they certainly benefited financially from his conviction emphatically enough and managed to keep the same lampshades and wallpaper in the apparent killing house, so it's a theory hardly likely.

Could it be the fact that Jeremy's relatives had motive to lie in court at Jeremy's trial and covered up the fact that they would indeed be much, much better off were he imprisoned? Could it be that, as part of what they later inherited, Osea Road Leisure Park is actually a painful reminder of the past for this reason rather than the loss of Jeremy's mum, dad, sister and nephews?

I won't go on and on and theorise and make accusations - I'll only repeat the simple fact based in irrefutable proof: they DID have considerable motive to lie in court at Jeremy's trial and the jury were never told the full story.

The funny thing is, we're asked to believe Jeremy Bamber killed his family for money and are told we can accept that as motive. Yet it's apparently inconceivable that extended family members who stand to inherit and benefit financially can play a role in the imprisonment of a man who is innocent because to say so is fanciful. If I asked you to kill a man or frame a man, which would you think were easiest to do? Certainly it is a true fact that Ann Eaton said she could 'live with' Jeremy being imprisoned despite being innocent. 

Still, we rock on and the fight continues. I keep the theme tune to the Generation Game in mind.  "Life," it says, "is the name of the game, and I wanna play the game with YOU!"

Given he's had near 30 years in jail, there are those who indeed tried to "play the game" when it came to Jeremy's life. They're now about to lose very, very badly and this time there isn't a cuddly toy big enough to make the pain go away.

But didn't they do well!!

* Sold once, but it was bloody well used.

Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Bamber Book Club

I do love a good read and write session, you know. That’s why I made a blog after all. Can’t beat a good book.

So it got me thinking: What if Jeremiah Bamberoonie (Jeremy Bamber to you and I) wrote himself a book about the adventures, thrills and spills of the last 30-or-so years? What form might it take?

After all, that whole suffering the devastating loss of your whole family with absolutely no victim support, being accused of killing them with absolutely no evidence whatsoever and then imprisoned for life for it – despite that imprisonment being totally illegal in itself….  Yes, I’m sure that’s a real squeal of a tale and would give 50 Shades a run for its money in terms of sauce!

Seriously,  Jeremy will be free soon enough, that’s for sure, and if he ever feels like penning his story then it will definitely shame a lot of people. For now, we can only speculate. It could look like this, for instance:

Sort of like an Alcatraz-cum-Shawshank excitement feel to it, don’t you think? I like the idea that it’s all about to change and that for the clutch of weirdos who happily made this happen to him there will be no way back. So yes, I suspect it might be something like that.

If that’s the ‘good eggs’, what about the ‘bad eggs’? Any idea what their book would look like?

Well, funny you should ask – cos I’ve managed to snare me a copy. I did enquire originally if I could be sent a copy but was told that they had all been destroyed/could not be traced, and yet low and behold, I found it! Bit of a recurring theme.

Anyway, here it is:

The ‘explains-all’ textbook on how to imprison Jeremy Bamber. Would go very nicely with the Cooking with Jeremy tutorial, from a past blog.

Just as well it’s an idiot’s guide, eh?

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

Bamber, Tea Monster

Ooooh I tell you, that Bamber - he's really gone and done it now! Flipping heck! I'm livid, fuming, angry, furious and hopping mad!

Why such commotion, you ask? Well, Jeremy's latest blog of course. Haven't you read it? Of course you haven't read it, you'd be marching outside Full Sutton with flimsy banners proclaiming "BAMBER'S A BEAST!" if you'd read it.

Let me fill you in. Jeremy Bamber prefers coffee and for the life of him cannot stand to drink tea. Can you believe that?? Leaves a fur on the tongue, he says. The sheer cheek of the man. I know, I know - your blood must be boiling!

Think of those poor PG Tips monkeys, for instance. They'll be out of a job after this. Those fellas from Tetley? No chance - out on the street; homeless and penniless, and it'll be all Jeremy's fault.

He's done some things in his time (apparently taking the lives of his entire family without leaving a single trace of evidence or being spotted by a single witness, for instance - what a feat of apparent majesty that was...) but this takes the biscuit - the tea and biscuit, that is!

Of course, in reality, I should wind my neck in and stop making such a song and dance out of everything Jeremy has to say. I guess it's just what I'm used to. He said he was innocent, how they shouted... He said he feared his sister, mentally ill, may have been behind the killings - how they lambasted him. He said he would fight until one day he was free... My, how they said it was HOBNOB.

In reality of course, much of what Jeremy says is true and isn't at all sensational. Especially the bit about one day being free - thankfully we can all count on that one being virtually gospel. As for his latest blog? He's starting a 29th year in prison as an innocent man. Now that'd be worth getting angry about, wouldn't it? 

As ever, the clock ticks and the tide turns. Slowly? Yes, but it turns...

Wednesday, 11 September 2013

What's Under That Corgi?

Much like Jeremy being a killer, this seems a touch unlikely...
We’re told in fantasy land that Jeremy Bamber is a bad sort who spends his days biting the heads off baby chicks and spitting out the beaks, or whatever it is that bad sorts do…

Anyway, full from chick heads and after implausibly and miraculously managing to murder his entire family without anyone having any evidence whatsoever and there being no witnesses, he also managed to fool the world into thinking his sister, Sheila, had actually committed the murders in a psychotic episode.

Yes he fooled them all – including one fellow by the name of Prof. Peter Vanezis who was the case pathologist. You see – obviously blinded by Bad Bamber’s brilliance rather than the actual truth – Vanezis ruled that indeed, it was a case of four murders and one suicide; that the “two gunshot wound” issue was no screaming anomaly to him and that, indeed, he had seen the same thing a number of times prior. He added Sheila would even have been able to move and walk for a short time after administering a first shot to herself.

Even when told by those clever coppers wot rumbled Bamber’s evil scheme that it was actually he who’d done it, he stated the theory was “almost too incredible to believe” and that for it to occur in this way; she would have to be under the influence of drugs (she was not) and that Jeremy would have to be a "nutter" (he is not).

So then I was thinkin’ to myself. He’s got it wrong – he must  have – everyone says Jeremy did it and why would they lie? It’s not like they anyone had motive or anything *cough*.

Then it clicked. It’s not the first time this man Vanezis has got a biggun’ wrong. He was called in to help investigate the death of Princess Diana and, here in fantasy land, that one’s not all it seems either. Some tabloids say the Queen did it, with a pistol smothered under a Corgi, others say it was the SAS and some argue she isn’t even dead!

So yes, I reasoned to myself. That’s it – if Jeremy Bamber was the murderer then Princess Diana is sat here next to me in fantasy land, the pair of us rocking brand new pink shorts from Primark and soaking up the rays. (I assume that’s what she’d do).

In reality of course (hello real world)… Peter Vanezis didn’t get either case wrong – that’s probably cos he’s good at his job, has done leading work for the Home Office and was named an OBE! Hardly an amateur.

Diana, sadly, is no longer with us and, for once, silly season should come and go without the tabloids hounding her from beyond her grave. Tragically, Sheila, Daniel, Nicholas, Nevill and June are all no longer with us, either – and Jeremy had about as much to do with their death as the Queen’s Corgi did with Diana’s.

So let’s stop the Bamber bashing HOBNOB, let’s allow Jeremy to finally grieve fully, as an innocent man…

Friday, 16 August 2013

Guest Blog: The Daily Knobbler - 08/09/1955

Jeremy ‘The Flash’ Bamber in BMX Row.

THERE IS much speculation over how Jeremy ‘The Flash’ Bamber, who murdered his family, got to and from the scene in 9 minutes. It is suspected that he was aided by ET (Speilberg’s Extra Terrestrial,) and a team of boys on BMX bicycles.

Witness, Mr Dolly Pargeter, a cousin, told the Daily Knobble in and exclusive interview, “Yeah man I was just snorting up another line when I saw Jeremy Bamber flying over the village of Tolleshunt D’arcy with an alien like creature wearing a sheet. I had to rub my eyes when I saw him dropping off pre arranged drugs deal in an air drop.”

It is believed that torches found in hedges in the surrounding area were used to guide in the BMX’s which were still being peddled by Bamber and his cronies as they left the scene flying up to 30 metres above ground level.

Related News

What's that Mr Boutflour? Bamber's wasn't THAT kinda wet suit? Ohh...
It was also reported that a flying ‘Wet Suit’ rained down from the midnight sky and slapped Mr Robert Boutflour in the face as he sat fabricating his accounts so people would believe he wasn’t poor and wasn’t living off money from his mother in law. Mr Boutflour, was in fact such a rubbish farmer that he couldn’t afford to buy his own daughter’s land when she and her husband fell into financial difficulty. Instead the Boutflour’s and Eaton’s had to go ‘cap in hand’ to the late Nevill Bamber to bail out the couple, buying their land in a secret contract before he died. This was unknown to Jeremy Bamber and the jury wont be told this when they specifically ask if Mr Boutflour has motive to lie in court.

Mr Boutflour told The Daily Knobbler, “I thought to myself God almighty, if the boys down at the Masonic Lodge find out I’ve got no cash and I’m scabbing off the mother in law I shall be black balled. So I had to make some s**t up. I didn’t want to over egg the pudding too much but Jeremy Bamber is a ‘quee-ar’, looks like a queue-ar and sounds like a quee-ar, and as far as I am concerned he told me that he was going to shoot his family . . . .  when we were alone of course. It’s ‘in the bag’ because one of the old boys at the lodge is the N & J Bamber company solicitor, so he will ‘sort it’ for me.”

EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: Mr Boutlfour and his Solicitor discuss the fact that Bamber is probably a Quee-ar... You know, cos that's relevant. Well, that and bullsh*t!!

Monday, 5 August 2013

Flat Planet's Guilty Myth

Where the other half presumably live...
Hello blog lovers.

It's funny, isn't it; how the world changes as the years go by and how our beliefs and fascinations change - we learn the awkward truth about the festive fatty (sorry, still bitter I didn't get that set of pink fluffy handcuffs that one time), the tooth fairy and the like. It's been the same all through time - lest we forget at one stage we all believed the earth was flat and that we'd all fall off if we travelled far enough. I could name thousands!

Our man Bamber's case is a bit like that you know, except over time some of us have become a lot better at growing out of certain myths than others. For instance:

- You know that dragonflies don't sew your lips shut - they don't have any needles, silly.
- You know you won't really become a zombie if you don't hold your breath when you pass a cemetery (seriously).
- You know your face won't stick that way if you pull a funny face as the wind changes (though I know of a lady's that has and she ain't never comin round to change my bedsheets...)

It's all just stuff people want you to keep believing. So why is that the silly sausages of the guilty brigade still try and shove decades' old horse crap into our faces?

You see, we didn't always know for a fact that Nevill, Jeremy's father, called the Police. But then the facts of the matter arrived and we discovered that he did.  It was new information, so we learned from it and it strengthened us. We didn't always know just exactly how and why Police got around things like silencers, super glue and paperweights, but now we do - cos we've learned.

But those who tell you our Bamber's a naughty egg are telling you the same stuff now as they did nigh-on thirty years ago. There's a good reason for that: like all those wives-tales and child-beliefs, it's all a load of HOBNOB, if you know what I mean? Do love a Hobnob, good with a brew.

They can't change the record - it's like the Zutons or local radio, they've got no new stuff! They'll tell you Jeremy hid the phone (he didn't), he wore a wet-suit (he didn't), he climbed through a window (he didn't), there was Sheila's blood in the moderator (there wasn't), he talked about killing them all (he didn't) and was found sat in the corner of a darkened room feasting on stale bread and cold mashed potato..... okay, so perhaps they don't tell you that, but they tell you the rest!

It's as pie in the sky as the world being flat - which it isn't... though a small, merry band of those who made all this happen will soon wish they could fall off and disappear....

Sunday, 14 July 2013

Guest Blog: Squinty Eye's Weekly Round-up

Typical view of UK streets thanks to European Court, apparently...
It was like Eurovision all over again on Tuesday when a Political fracas was set off as judges in the European Court of Human Rights ruled by 16 to 1 that those UK prisoners on Whole Life Tariffs were to have reviews inserted into their sentences. Chaos broke out and panic ensued when ‘Joe public’ thought that axe murderers would be on our streets chopping off limbs by the dozen inside 24 hours of the ruling.

The Government’s rather strong reaction to European jurisdiction over UK policies on the penal system was nothing more than a knee jerk reaction. Cameron, Grayling and the Tories, who are even more unpopular than murderers themselves at present, set about with threats of curtailing human rights, I’m sorry, I meant defending the current system of whole life.

The timing of the judgement which took almost 8 months to emerge seemed crucial after the Government was just seen to be getting tough on crime, Theresa May only recently addressing the police federation, to say that any one who kills a police officer will be given whole life, and rightly so.

The baffling aspect of sentencing for killing never ceases to amaze me, it appears that Roy Whiting only received a 50 year sentence for kidnapping and murdering little Sarah Payne, and had his sentenced further reduced by a UK judge by 10 years. Yet shooting two police officers, who are trained to do their jobs and enter the profession knowing there are serious risks to their lives carries a whole life sentence – was Sarah’s life worth less than the two police officers? The justice system fails the victims and the most vulnerable members of our society in every way and further ignores safeguards to protect the innocent victims of miscarriages of justice.

Meanwhile, Jeremy Bamber whose name was banded around continually and who after all carried the high profile publicity in the case, sits for 28 years in prison repeatedly pleading for anyone to listen to the overwhelming evidence showing his innocence. Shh, for this should not be mentioned.

Chris ‘black cap’ Grayling (B.A History, Sussex Uni.) appeared against a backdrop of sunshine, with a head you could fry an egg on, and threw his weight about like a big bad tempered tomato. I was surprised he hadn’t added that all those convicted of any crime at all should be hanged to save the treasury purse whether they were innocent or not. (After all there would be more money to kill innocent civilians in countries with a lot of oil.) Indeed after Grayling’s B&B furore, I’m surprised he didn’t add that anyone Gay should also be ‘hanged by the neck until dead’.

‘Reaper’ Grayling also sits at the head of the ‘independent’ Criminal Cases Review Commission, giving a ministerial stamp to anyone wishing to appeal their conviction, so don’t be surprised if appeals against serious crimes don’t get past his scythe. Nevertheless, if you appeal a parking fine conviction, particularly in the stomping ground of the Royal Grammar School, Bucks, you might find it’s overturned – this important role of the CCRC should not go un-noticed by the Great British Public. Remembering that that MP’s who really do need that pay rise, (to cover the loss of expenses claims) will only be possible because the rest of us workers took pay cuts, job cuts, and already suffered a lot of ‘curtailing’ ourselves. What a very fair system that is.

All cases of appeals against conviction should be heard by a judicial authority not a political one, the evidence in Jeremy Bamber’s case is jaw dropping, and the long political arm will ‘curtail’ justice in every movement it can.

The longer we have to put up with justice run by seedy criminals themselves masquerading as ‘honest’ politicians, the longer crime in the judiciary will continue, but now, even if just for one day, Bamber has had the last laugh, and has at a least seen politics with egg on it’s face once more.

Friday, 12 July 2013

Bamber to (Moon) Walk Free?

Presumably this is how our man Bamber will exit his cell...
 I’ve got a problem.

I woke up this morning, looked at the telly box and saw that Gordon Brown was still Prime Minister. What the bugger am I gonna do?

It gets worse.

Katie Price and Peter Andre are getting divorced, Wogan is quitting the breakfast show, I’ve gone and caught Swine Flu and Michael Jackson has just died!!!! Ahh!

Yes folks, it is 2009 again. Or at least some time around then anyway.

I know this cos David Boutflour tells me so in the newspaper I was using to dab the wee wee out of my cat’s litter box this morning.

Big bad murderer man Jeremy Bamber is in prison you see, and Mr Boutflour suggests there is no chance he should be released for at least another three or four years from now, maybe 2012 or 2013?

He says:  "He should stay in prison unless he is proven innocent or he has served the time suggested by the judge."

Well that’s super news! Cos the Judge said a minimum of 25 years, David. Wakey wakey, It’s actually 2013 and 25 years passed a long, long time ago. Does that mean Jeremy can come out to play now?

 As for “unless he is proven innocent”, well now you’re just being a saucy devil. We got that one sorted many a year ago you silly bean.

Luckily some of us, after all this time, now know stuff that you know, but nobody else does. Isn’t that good fun.

Let’s party, like it’s 1999!! Or should that be 2009??

Monday, 8 July 2013

Guest Blog: Classified Bamber!

Souvenirs from Tolleshunt D’arcy

c/o Any Cop shop in Essex, other outlets Huntingdon Labs, Sandridge labs, Cambs.

For one week only (or maybe 28 years)
you too can own your own

“Paper Weight Silencer” replica
worth £425,000 for the bargain price just £2.99.

Yes, this unique Parker Hale MM1 antique from 1985, comes as either a single item (DRB/1) or as a fabulous set of 4 matching paper weights - with their own exhibit reference numbers. Yes classic names such as: DB/1, NB/1 and SBJ/1 and it’s only £4.99 for the entire set!

The silencer comes complete with a ‘certificate of authenticity’ known as an ‘exhibit label’ which has been crossed out and resigned by many different forensic scientists, police officers and witnesses.

And for only an extra 99p, you too could possess this fabulous second exhibit label also signed by different witnesses, yes that’s different witnesses!

“I had SBJ/1 on my desk for months, it stopped all fabrications from blowing up in my face for a trial and three police investigations. It’s only a shame I had to hand it to the exhibits officer.”

Mr Mick Ainsley of Osea Road Caravan Park Security, Maldon. [formerly DI Ainsley, Essex Police].

“DRB/1 Helped us secure the conviction of Jeremy Bamber so we could claim the estate for ourselves, comes highly recommended.”
D, Boutflour, Farmer, Wix.

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Move those Goal Posts!

WINNER! When the rules don't apply...
Good news bloggeroos, I’ve gone and won the Lottery!! I’m a millionaire, woooooooo!!!

I was rummaging around in my wallet in the Newsagents the other day to buy some of those delicious herbal sweeties. I go crazy for them, I do. Anyway, I rustled together the necessary change and found an old Lottery ticket. I passed it to the man behind the counter and asked if he’d check the numbers for me – he did, handing it back to me saying that it was worthless and I’d won nowt.

Sad face, yes? Well, this is the good bit. I asked if he had the most recent draw numbers available – he showed them to me and I sighed and said “Ahh well bugger me backwards, if I thought those were gonna be the numbers then I’d have picked them instead!”

I was joking, but his face lit up. He said to me “Well, sir, that’s good enough when you’re playing the Lottery – CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WIN!!” He jumped over the counter and put a big kiss on my cheek. I’m sure I felt his tongue go in my ear but I can’t confirm that.

But anyway, yes, that’s how I did it! All you need to is to go and explain that, had you known what the winning digits were before a draw then you’d certainly have picked them, you win. Easy!

Except..... sad face :-( much like in the fantasy world in which people believe Jeremy Bamber to be guilty, the above is clearly a load of balls. (And not actual winning Lottery balls, either – I do actually mean testicles.) Shall I explain?

Essentially in UK law, the Crown requires a licence to prosecute one of its citizens – this is called an indictment. It’s a formality but is required as it gives the authority to take someone before a court and without one, there can be no prosecution. A bit like plugging in the Blackpool illuminations but forgetting to flick the switch – it might be simple and it might be obvious, but if you don’t do it, you get no light show!

Get this one. There was never, ever a valid indictment in place for Jeremy Bamber despite the fact he has been in jail for close to 30 years.

Jeremy was committed for trial on 7 May ’86, and, according to the law of the land, there should have been an indictment in place “within 28 days commencing with the date of committal.”  Counting the days properly one doesn't have to be a maths genius to see that the indictment MUST have been signed off, on or before 3 June. It was signed on the 4th.

Yes there was an indictment, but it wasn't valid. By a day, by a week, by a year – it’s irrelevant. If I purchased a Lottery ticket on a Sunday with Saturday’s winning numbers, do I still win? No, cos I’m a day late. 

The law states if there is an invalid indictment then ANY proceedings (pleading guilty, pleading innocent, being found to be either by a jury or washing a giraffe’s hair – ANY proceedings) “will be a nullity”, which is defined as “Null and void, worthless, not legally binding.”

Now, of course, the law does allow a technicality here. A trial judge does have the power to correct an invalid indictment providing it is discovered before the start of a trial. But it was not discovered before the trial. How do I know? A letter from the trial judge, almost 20 years later, stated HAD he known about the issue, he would have sorted the mess out anyway and made the necessary rulings so the case could start.

But he did not know about it and did not make the necessary rulings. Sure, he can SAY he would have ruled to iron out the matter in hand but the fact is he didn't – you can’t apply the law of the land 20 years later, retrospectively, just cos you reckon that’s what you’d have done HAD you known this that or the other.

It’s fantasy and shouldn't be allowed to stand. The fact that Jeremy Bamber is completely innocent of his supposed crimes is, for the purposes of this argument at least, is completely irrelevant – if the rules weren't followed properly then it doesn't matter if Jeremy was innocent, guilty, or the heir to the rings of Saturn – the rules still weren't followed. 

Unless the rules don’t matter? In which case, I AM a millionaire! Either way, the plug has well and truly been pulled on the sideshow that put Jeremy in prison. Now he's on his way home.

Sunday, 9 June 2013

Bamber, Nipples and a Rubik's Cube...

Hulk Hogan: Like gay-bashing, big in the 80s. Had big boobies...
Remember the Rubik’s Cube? Remember Hulk Hogan? Ghetto Blasters?

All those lovely things we remember with fondness from the 1980s but have since faded from existence… all those things that just died out. We kinda realised that the Rubik’s Cube just cannot be done (okay Justin Bieber can do it apparently but then again he wears a baseball cap so he’s rendered pretty much irrelevant), Hogan had nipples the size of dinner plates and so was always going to struggle and that iPods really are much more nifty and less wearing on the shoulder than the Ghetto Blaster.

So we grew up, evolved with the times and moved on. A little like homophobia indeed – albeit that’s only a slightly more serious level… I mean purely that it is no longer and should never have been acceptable to question someone or label them negatively because of their sexuality. Look back at that sentence and most of us quiver with embarrassment that it was ever ‘the norm’ for this ever to have been permitted.

Homophobia should have died out with the dinosaurs let alone in the 80s yet in the case of Mr Jeremy Bamber it was still rife – hardly acceptable at all and yet even more bizarre when you consider Jeremy isn’t even gay, right?

Twas just another attempt by police to blacken his character… you know, because to be gay is to be a bad sort, to be gay is to be wrong and evil and anyone who is gay must surely be capable of mass murder, yes. HELLO??! Can anyone hear me?! How did they ever get away with that one??

That the police would have you believe Jeremy killed his family for money or killed them using a silencer despite standing outside next to police at the time is one thing but to try and effectively suggest “he’s a poof, so obviously is a bad dude” is horrendous, prehistoric, disturbed and just wrong.

Quotes from the time include, with reference to Jeremy:

- “He fell in with criminal and Homosexual company”
- “He met the witness Brett Collins who is homosexual”
- He had an "un-savoury homosexual character."

Yes now I know that around that time it was not just police who were guilty of this attitude towards gay people and that it was a problem with society has a whole but it still shows you just how wrong the whole thing was.

“…Yes my lord, I have to admit I didn’t think Jeremy was the killer but then Inspector Morse told me he reckons Bamber might be a homo so then that’s when I knew he must ‘ave done it.”

Might not be an accurate quote but it’s a plausible one given the police record of accuracy in this case.

I guess they thought ‘mud sticks.’  I guess it does. But then again, so does innocence. I know which I believe in.

Anyway, best be off. Time to raid Hogan’s bra drawer for a Rubik’s Cube!

Monday, 27 May 2013

5,000 So Soon?


 Alright there my blogger mates? Just thought I would pop my head around the door and see how we were doing and make brief mention of the number 5,000.

 Five thousand indeed. What's that, you say? "Is that number of reasons I can count to say that Jeremy Bamber is innocent?" Nope. Close, but nope.

" Is that the number of fabricated lies, stories and fantasies spread by Police, ex girlfriend, Jessica Fletcher and Hercule Poirot?"  Well, you're getting warmer but nope.

"5,000, Mr Blogger man, is that the number of approximate attempts it takes to spell 'scene' correctly in the Annual Essex Police Spelling Bee?" That's VERY good! But not the one I'm after...

 No, no... 5,000 is the number of page views this here blog has had since we started the whole thing and began taking the royal p*ss out of people who should really, really have known better 27 years ago than to start messing about with something so seriously. A modest start. but it'll do.

Sadly for you naughty guys and gals, though: it may have taken 27 years but the truth is finally getting out. The clock ticks, the tide turns, and you, my lovelies, are screwed! Oops!

Thursday, 23 May 2013

Bamber, Time Lord...

Ahh the Back to the Future films. Remember them? One of the best things to come out of the 80s, cinematically.

You remember, it was all good stuff. Boy goes back in time, has his mother fall in love with him instead of his father and then they help send a police car out to White House Farm in Essex cos the Big Bad Wolf of Tolleshunt D'Arcy, Jeremy Bamber has killed his entire family.

That’s how it went, wasn’t it? That’s how it seems, anyway. Confused? Well, never fear my bloggeroonies, I shall once again explain all.  We all know out here in the real world that Jeremy Bamber did not kill his family. Ironically his biggest crime was in not killing them – purely because, in being innocent, he’s far too big a risk to the lawmakers of the land and so sits in jail for nearly a third decade.

Log of Jeremy's call to police

Anyhow...... Have a look at this – it’s a call, made by Jeremy to police from his home which is about ten or so minutes away from where the tragedy took place. You can see here that he explains that his father called him in a panic saying that things had clearly got out of hand – Jeremy asks for help. Simple enough there.

Jeremy's father Nevill contacts police

 Now look at this one. It’s a telephone call made by Jeremy’s father, Nevill, to police around about ten minutes before Jeremy’s one to Police. It says that his “daughter” had gone “berserk” with a gun and so understandably required Police assistance. Simple enough there.

Yet Jeremy Bamber is the man in prison. Why for, you wonder? Well, because police claim that Jeremy lied and that his father never did call him and that when he [Jeremy] called police to say so, he was telling porkies. To explain the second log, from Nevill, they claim it was merely an officer copying down what Jeremy had claimed Nevill had told him and giving that call its own record. Why police would feel the need to make retrospective record of a call when neither participant was the Police is beyond me.

 Now, there are about 403 reasons why the above is a load of old toff and why Nevill’s call to police was exactly that.  I want to make this very simple though. Look at both logs carefully. You can see that Jeremy, as detailed by Police, called them at 3:36am. Look now at Nevill’s log. You can see that police dispatched a car (CA7) to the scene at 3:35am. Answer me this – if Nevill did NOT call the police and the only call the police took that night was from Jeremy, to what, where and why did they dispatch a police car one minute before they even received that call?

The answer is simple. It was Doc and Marty McFly. They’d seen it all in the future and decided to call the coppers in advance of Jeremy’s call to try and help out a bit. It’s Back to the Future and an episode of the Bill and Dr Who all in one baby! That's right, sod the TARDIS you mother, give me a cop car!

Or.... back in the real world – Police dispatched the car because Nevill Bamber, fearing for the lives of himself, wife, daughter and grandsons, desperately called them for help. It’s the call that they tried to hide – the ‘Nevill Call Log’ took almost 20 years to surface – and it’s since been the call they’ve tried to cover up.  No more. 

Monday, 13 May 2013

Attenborough's Stealth

Shhh! Stealthily does it, David. If in doubt, use a sledgehammer...

 We’ve said many a time for the fact that if it weren’t so very tragic, if five people hadn’t lost their lives, if two little boys had not died in their sleep and had an innocent man not been stitched up to face decades in jail for all of it despite going through the trauma of losing his whole family – if it weren’t for ALL of that…. You’d have to say the case of Jeremy Bamber is right rip-roar, a real laugh.

It’s full of comedy moments – you know, like the Let’s-convict-a-man-with-no-evidence-only-heresay-and-conjecture sort of stuff. Good job the Edinburgh Fringe Festival is coming up cos’ some of the people who thought this lot up really should be on stage.

Let’s look at another aspect – STEALTH! You know, what David Attenborough uses when he interviews rhinos and lions for the telly and that. When he sits down and whispers really quietly so they don’t eat him up. That’s stealth for you.

Dictionary definition: “movement that is quiet and careful in order not to be seen or heard, or secret action.” Yes, yes, that’s stealth for you.

Wanna know what isn’t stealth?

Smashing a door down with a sledgehammer! That’s how the firearms team chose to enter the Farmhouse at Whitehouse Farm. Funny, really, cos one statement that says that the use of “hand signals and whispers” was employed because they believed Sheila to be alive and/or armed inside the house.

Fair enough, you might well think that it is perfectly reasonable to approach the house using STEALTH and then bash your way in and you may be right but even in amongst all my teasing above, we all miss the point… The point being that whether they used whispers, a sledgehammer or a bloomin sausage roll – they all believed Sheila to be alive.

Why did they believe she was alive? Maybe because they saw her in the house? Maybe because they were in conversation with her? It really matters not – the fact is, she was alive.

But we aren’t allowed to say that! No, instead in this comedy world we’re asked to accept that Sheila was never moving between downstairs and upstairs, several officers were hallucinating when they saw her body in the kitchen, she was never recorded on the open line inside the house, tapes of which we’ve never, ever been able to hear and Jeremy Bamber is almost certainly responsible for all of it – this is what we’re told to believe.

Yes indeed, it would be funny if it weren’t so very tragic. 

Friday, 26 April 2013

Lies and Alibis

Another court myth busted for you today, Bloggermen and Bloggerwomen.

You see, they tell us that Jeremy Bamber was a bit of a pretty boy, bit of a ladies man and a bit of a hit with the women (when they weren't trying to convince us with homophobic abuse that he was gay, that is...difficult to keep up with all their changing stories.)

But he can't be a pretty man, can our Bamber. I mean I look at him and I thinks to myself "Ahh, nice looking chap." Yet it seems we're wrong.

Bamber's an ugly man, it emerges. At least, he ain't got to Alibi!

Allow Brian and Stewie to explain:

So there you go!

Only........... that's not quite either, is it? Not at all.

You see, you'd expect a man apparently guilty of five murders to have no alibis and no proof of innocence, wouldn't you?

Only Mr Bamber has himself an alibi. WHOOPS! Another lie... He doesn't have one alibi, he has about 20-plus of them. That's right, more than twenty alibis to prove his innocence yet not a single one has been allowed to secure his freedom.

That's justice denied, folks. And that IS pretty ugly.

Sunday, 7 April 2013

Knight Rider Nicked!

Michael Knight: Presumably gave Bamber a lift....

So then, Bloggeroos. In previous chats we have discovered many things. We have discovered, many will tell you, that Mr Jeremy Bamber is a bad man, a killer, a breakfast lover and a magician. How marvellous.

Except it is not marvellous – it’s a load of old toffee! It’s been good humour enough to sustain the Police and countless others over the last three decades or so. They do love a good tale about our man Bamber. I’ve got another one for you – did you hear about the time the coppers caught and arrested Michael Knight?

You know the fella. The Hoff! Smashing hair, the one off of that telly programme Knight Rider. Yeah they got him good. Or at least that’s how it sounds, anyway. Back in 1985 they stood outside White House Farm, home to the family of Jeremy Bamber while, inside, Mr Bamber’s entire family tragically lay dead. It appears as though – while waiting the four or five hours they saw fit to fanny around before eventually deciding to storm the place, call ambulances and the like – they spent time chatting to The Hoff who, for some reason, was over in the UK and randomly passing by sleepy corner of Essex in the dark of the night.

I say this cos the Police maintain that there was a fella stood about, chatting on about how he was about to spend £70,000 or so buying a brand new Porsche. How the other half live, eh? All very well if you can afford it and the Hoff off Knight Rider obviously can.

There is one curiosity – the Police did say that this man was not in fact the Hoff, but was instead Jeremy Bamber himself. I’m sure they must have mixed up the two (they both have decent hair after all) but they say not. They say Bamber was there mouthing off about the fact that once all this business was taken care of, he was gonna get a brand-new Porsche. Bamber ended up in jail because of it no less! The greedy so and so.

Ok, ok. I’m being a silly sausage now... But that’s the sort of stuff they come out with! “M’Lord, Bamber said he was going to buy a new Porsche once all this killin’ bizzniss was sorted, so send him to jail and throw away the key!”

Seriously? How about the truth – Bamber, so torn by what was going on inside the house, repeatedly broke down in front of officers who, keen to stop him turning to hysterics, distracted him by talking about more trivial matters. Jeremy would tell them of a summer car project he was working on – involving purchasing a Porsche kit car [No, not THAT type of “Kit” car you silly bean!]  This would have been at a cost of about £1-2,000. i.e. more than enough for you or I to afford just by saving up our dinner money for a few months. Not the sort of amount that’d drive a man to wipe out his family.

Tis all part of the prosecution game of getting you to believe Jeremy Bamber is a monster. One slight spin on one innocent conversation, and you have a generation of people assuming that a man serving life in prison is in the right place – when in fact he isn’t.

How about we stop all of this and start being told the truth, eh? You know – the TRUTH. The truth being that Jeremy Bamber having killed his family is as likely as Michael sodding Knight driving him to the Farm to do it!

Monday, 25 March 2013

Pass the Toast, Jezza!

Killin' makes ya hungry, apparently...

Hello my beauties!

Here’s a question for ya – how do you spot a murderer? Someone who has killed. Murder weapon? Forensics? Confession? Dead body (or bodies, but let’s not start that again!)?

No – none of those things. How one really spots a killer is the mighty epic that is the beloved full English breakfast. It is renowned, it is plentiful and lordy lord it is deadly. You’ve gotta be a bad man to get involved with that sort of thing.

You may ask how I know this... You may suggest that you sat down at your nan’s kitchen table the other day and scoffed one yet the only thing you’ve ever managed to kill was that spider wot crawled up your inside leg when you was in the shower that one morning. But it don’t make you a murderer, you protest.

Well, how I know this is the case of Mr Jeremy Bamber. The Guilty Warriors (happy chaps they are, too) tell us that bad man Bamber sat down and revelled in a full cooked breakfast in the company of police offers after murdering his entire family.

They tell us that Bamber sat down at his own kitchen table, thrashed around the red sauce and baked beans and chomped on sausage and egg whilst chatting away to the noble officers from our finest police force – cursing the minor inconvenience earlier in the day of having to take up valuable eating time with the death of his loved ones. They tell us he wore a cheesy grin through bites of grilled tomato and belly-laughed at the whole affair.

So there you go – the full English is the killer’s breakfast.

Which is fine, all except for the fact that it’s all a load of old bollocks. For one point, the fact that you might eat a full English after learning of the death of your whole family hardly makes you responsible for killing them. We all deal with grief in different ways, after all. I don’t think I’d eat after bad news, but some might.

But it’s hogwash for a big reason – the closest Jeremy Bamber got to a ‘full cooked breakfast’ on the  morning in question was about as close as he got to killing them – i.e. not very! Study the FACTS (cos we’re fact fans at this ‘ere blog) and speak to the officers themselves and they’ll begrudgingly tell you that, back at his home and in the company of police, Bamber was offered old, past-its-best whisky which duly made him sick.

To stop him heaving his guts up, they suggested he might well eat something. Jeremy then went into his kitchen and cooked in the microwave the only thing he could find – two pieces of bacon. Prompted, he then put this between two pieces of bread to form what many of us call a sandwich. Yes, that’s right – a sandwich of microwaved bacon. He barely even managed to finish that, under their watchful eye and in virtual silence.

So what do you think? Shall we listen again to the propaganda and just stick with what seems to fit what many people will have us believe about Jeremy? Or shall we believe that, oddly, after knowing his entire family had just been gunned down, he actually didn’t feel like doing much at all – especially eating.

The full English might well be the breakfast of killers – it might just be why Jeremy went without one!

Monday, 11 March 2013

Countdown Conundrum!

I was sitting in the bath the other night playing with my rubber duck – I do that cos I’m too cool for school. While I was all suds and rub-a-dub-dub, I had a wonderful moment, a Eureka! moment... I knew, then and there, how I could free the innocent Jeremy Bamber after 27 years in prison. I knew what and who I need in an instant of perfect clarity.

So, you ask me, what is it you need, mystery flippant blogger man? A confession? Those audio tapes of the phone calls to and from White House Farm wot never existed? No! What I need, readers, is Carol sodding Vorderman!

What a woman she is. Jolly pleasant on the eye and a super-sharp when it comes to words and numbers and that. I thought to myself, surely if we could recruit this fine lady then we may finally be able to assist the fine darlings involved on the night of the tragedies who, bless them, have a little problem with their mathematics.

Now we must not jab or be spiteful. We’re all good at something. I’m good at blogging (that’s why you’re here), you’re good at reading blogs (that’s why I’m here), and some police officers – albeit not many, are very good at concealing the truth. What some officers aren’t good at though, is counting.

Counting sheep? Troublesome. Counting the amount pesky young oiks who stole a lot of jammy dodgers from the corner shop? Tricky. Dead bodies indeed? That’s just impossible!

Don’t just believe me, though. As the maths exams always used to tell you: “always show your working out.”  And here we can see the scribbling of the fine Police folk who just can’t seem to decide how many bodies there were downstairs and upstairs in the farm.
In fact, these statements seem quite clear and reasonably consistent – lots of officers report two bodies downstairs (cos there were), and three bodies upstairs (cos there were.) But then they started to get flustered and decided they just didn’t know anymore. NO, they said, there was just the one body downstairs and four more upstairs. (Yes, it seems incredibly that each and every single one of them had got it wrong and were in fact mistaken!).

What do you think?

I think the truth is pretty clear -  they made note of two bodies (downstairs) because that’s exactly what they saw and nothing can change that, however hard some have tried.

Alas, the lovely Vorderman is no doubt a bit too busy to help me. So I’ve decided to invest in an abacus for the Police. Two, actually. One so they can count bodies, and the second so they can work out how many days it is until their near 30-year lie comes crashing down around them. Now that will be some bloody conundrum, won't it?!!

I guess you could call that a Countdown, eh?  Cue the thinking music, boys, Mr Bamber’s heading home...

Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Cooking with Jeremy

Saw this and thought of you. I was looking through my new book, “Mother Justice’s Cookbook” – got it from a car boot for 10 pence and it’s an absolute scream.

You can cook up all sorts of crazy stuff with this bad boy. I found this on page three (no boobs, just travesty I’m afraid):


-    1 Jeremy Bamber
-    Police officers capable/willing of behaving corruptly (the honest sort are no good)
-    A Sound moderator (Or as many as you like, actually – let’s say 50)
-    Small amounts of animal blood
-    Flecks of red paint – don’t worry if you forget, you can always add these later)
-    I pair of undies in a bucket (Water may or may not be required – just make it up)
-    1 Bag of hoover dust (must be kept in hoover – helps retain taste and texture)
-    A hearty helping of witness/character statements – disregard the positive ones – don’t want those getting out. If any appear positive in any way, edit/change to suit over time.
-    2 whole bullets (if you only have 1 whole one and one fragmented one, just magic the fragmented one back together.)

-    1 rifle - can moved around and photographed in different positions. To suit taste.
-    1 woman scorned. Must be capable of sacrificing justice to save herself.
-    1 Court preservation order. Actually, just ignore and disregard that. Destroy what you want, they'll never know.

How to cook:
-    Waste no time in imprisoning your Bamber. No evidence is actually required – you can just throw together some of the above a while later and it should just about work. Leave in prison for approximately 30 years and do all you can to obstruct justice and cover your tracks.


Proceed with caution – if the instructions above aren’t followed to the fullest, justice may, in the very end prevail and your Bamber may be freed and shown to actually be innocent. This must be avoided at all costs as we’ll all be in a lot of trouble.

Oh crap... can you smell burning in the kitchen??

Sunday, 17 February 2013

A Bullet, Re-Born!

Hello boys and girls – are we sitting comfortably for story time? If so, we shall begin on another tale of magic, yay!

We will begin with another quiz question cos we like those:

How are a CAT and a BULLET alike?

“They both hurt if they catch you,” you ask? Well, it’s a good answer – I wouldn’t care much to feel either a cat’s claw nor a bullet enter my person even if one is more serious than another,  but it’s not the one I’m after!

The real answer is: A bullet and a cat are alike cos they both have more than one life!

At least, it appears one of the bullets in the case of Jeremy Bamber has more than one life. Maybe not the nine lives enjoyed by those lazy, frolicking felines, but certainly more than one.

You see, most bullets would consider it the end of the road if they were to fragment. I mean, after all, if someone scattered an arm of yours here and a leg of yours there and four toes somewhere else, you’d probably be a gonner, too!

But this bullet is special – I’d say miraculous! Fragmenting wasn’t enough to keep this bullet down – like a tale from the Holy Bible (Blogged on that the other day – read it, it’s a belter), the bullet was born again, as perfectly formed and as rounded as the day it was made.

How? you ask... Well I’m afraid you need to ask the Crown Prosecution that. It was one of many of their super-duper magic tricks that helped condemn an innocent man to almost 30 years in jail for crimes he didn’t commit.

Fact - Sheila Caffell suffered two bullet wounds. One bullet lodged in her neck, the other directly into her brain.

Fact – The pathologist who examined Sheila detailed that the first bullet "fragmented on striking the bone.” (extract below).

Fact – In support of the above, this X-Ray – not discovered until after Jeremy’s appeal – clearly shows the bullet has very much fragmented.

X ray showing the fragmented bullet

Yet mysteriously, at trial, the prosecution ballistic experts detailed that BOTH bullets examined for suitability to the murder weapon were whole. How can that be? We’re certain Mr Fletcher is a decent fellow and that he provided said information based on fact i.e. the bullets he examined WERE whole.

So now the situation is this: It’s a FACT that one bullet fragmented inside Sheila’s neck. It’s also a seemingly a FACT that the same bullet was whole when examined for Prosecution purposes. The question being – what happened in the mean time?

We’re aware that the airy-fairy, flimsy case against Jeremy was only even remotely passable if the moderator evidence was proven. Did the swapping of this first bullet fuel this aim? Possibly – that’s the only bit we are guessing – but the bit we are certain of is that it was swapped – and the X-ray proves it.

Like dominoes, another piece of the prosecution case falls. Maybe the Police in this case is effectively one giant cat? I make this about eight-and-a-half lives down, guys. It’d suggest you end this farce once and for all while you still can, before the evidence does it for you!

Wednesday, 6 February 2013

"The One with the Waggly Tail"

Yes! How much IS that rifle in the window?

That's right - I say rifle, not doggy - on account of the fact that this particular entry concerns the murder weapon in the case of Jeremy Bamber rather than fluffy petfolk.

Anyway - I ask how much is that rifle in the window, cos it was clearly hot property and in demand - everyone wanted to hold it, though no one would own up to it of course!

Allow me to do some explaining for you.

The truth: Jeremy Bamber's sister, Sheila, after killing her entire family, took her own life. She shot herself once, in the soft tissue of her neck, but was not killed outright and the case pathologist stated she would have been able to stand and walk. While found unconscious by the Police in the kitchen, she fled while the Police were searching the rest of the huge farmhouse and went upstairs where she would later fire a second shot which killed her instantly. Fully aware that she had killed herself, but also knowing that there was no way it could get out that they mistook her for dead in the kitchen when she was in fact still alive, Police re-staged the scene so it reflected suicide. A small manipulation of the truth in of itself - the suicide still stood - and from here the Police were fine. They photographed her and decided that  it might be nice to get in some Police training and drafted in many more unidentified individuals and officers to practise how an officer might remove a gun from a dead body. All shockingly disrespectful to the dead relative of Jeremy Bamber.

What they'll have you believe: Jeremy Bamber killed each member of his family, Sheila included. Sheila was never found in the kitchen at any stage and was only found in the bedroom (either on the floor or on the bed depending on which log/notebook you read - dead bodies move in the crazy, wacky Police world, you see). It was Jeremy who re-staged the scene to make it look as if Sheila had killed herself so he could get away with murder. Neither her body nor the murder weapon were moved at any time.

How we know version one is "the truth."

The murder weapon, they say, was never off the body of Sheila.

Kay then. What's it doing by this window, then?

 Oh no wait - mere frames earlier in the Police film (seconds or minutes in real time - photos would have been taken at a mass rate for a family murder-suicide), this photo shows it's actually not by the window. We must have imagined it was ever then shown to be by the window. It was on the body the whole time, yes.

In some strange way I almost wish I was making this stuff up - I wish it was me inventing this information and just telling you about it - but these are Police photos - it is the Police logs that record Sheila was found downstairs and it is the Police who maintain neither she nor the gun were moved once they were inside. 

You don't have to take my word for it - the evidence is there. Jeremy Bamber is innocent, and the Police know it.

Saturday, 2 February 2013

Now You See Me...

MURDER SCENE: You don't see me here...

Time for a bit of visual wizardry this afternoon (no, not a “trick of the light” – I’m keeping my powder dry on that bad boy for a while!) and something that will blow your mind.

Okay so picture the scene if you will. Jeremy Bamber, we are told, has battled with his father in a life-and-death struggle in the kitchen of White House Farm. What we are led to believe is that they fought over the murder weapon, attached to which was a sound moderator. During this struggle, said moderator is scraped against the surround of the kitchen Aga – you know, cos the paint that scraped off was found inside moderator about four million years later and that’s how we knew Jeremy was the killer. Sound reasonable? Sound air-tight? Fully factual and cast iron?  Hmm.

We essentially have two sets of photographs – one set of photographs taken of the murder scene, and one taken about a month later.


QUESTION: Guess in which set of photos the scratches to the Aga surround were found?

Yep – well done boys and girls. The additional damage is not present in the photos of the crime scene – but it is indeed present when photos were taken weeks later, by which time Hercule Poirot, Jessica Fletcher and their troops had decided that Jeremy was a guilty man.

QUESTION: Guess which set of photos would help send an innocent man to jail for life?

Well done again you clever shrews. Jeremy Bamber was jailed – seemingly – on the evidence relating to the moderator which included the paint from the Aga surround. A man, jailed, with the help of photos taken a month after a crime was committed, despite the fact that pictures of the actual murder scene differ.

What I don’t understand, is how? Surely the most crucial pictures and the ones to which we should pay most attention are those of the actual murder scene – quite literally, it was the scene of the murder (as the name would suggest) – a month later it was, cruelly, just somebody’s kitchen. Yet somehow the evidence was accepted as mere fact.

But this isn’t just me waffling. The photos are there to be seen now, and photos don’t lie.  A leading photographic expert has painstakingly reviewed the two sets of photos and is convinced that the scratches that helped to convict Bamber were never there in the first set taken – meaning they were made afterward (obviously).

I’m afraid you don’t need to be Poirot or Fletcher to figure this bit out: Jeremy is innocent, and was jailed on fabricated evidence.

Sunday, 27 January 2013

Fool Me Once....?

 Here’s one to wrap up your weekend with.

The super Police folk involved in convicting Jeremy Bamber of the murder of his entire family would have you believe that at first, way back on August 7, 1986 ‘twas Bamber who tricked scores of Police officers and medical personnel into believing his sister Sheila had murdered her relatives before taking her own life when in fact – they say – it was he who did for them all.

They would have you believe that once and only once were they tricked – but then they got wise to that devious rascal and put all the pieces together and it wasn’t long before they knew the truth...!


Let’s have a looksie here, shall we. Let’s disregard everything we know about the lack of crime scene preservation by police, the sheer lack of respect shown by them to Jeremy’s dead relatives, the logs, the loudhailer – everything. Let’s just wipe it from our brains and start again.

Let us go along with the fantasy that, somehow, Jeremy did manage to trick each and every one of these people. Every person from every profession – each of them bamboozled.

Okay, fine. They got duped once, but never again. Oh no.Them's too smart.

Except, it would seem, master magician Bamber managed it again – or so this log you see before you would appear to suggest.

You see, back in the real world, not only do we know that everything that happened that night – both inside the house, outside the house and back inside the house once police went in, points to Jeremy being an innocent – but the Police knew it too.

We know that as late on as September – almost a full month after the killings – D. Supt Ainsley says in this interview that a ‘review’ of the case was to be carried out on his orders.

This review, he says, was carried out. It’s conclusion?

He states: “When Kenneally [fellow officer] was asked to give us the results of his review, he stated that the evidence indicated that Sheila was responsible.”
How very mysterious. A review carried out a month after the killings confirmed the original verdict – yet how is that it has never been disclosed just what evidence was used to carry out this review or indeed what it uncovered?

The FACT here – not opinion – the FACT, is that the Police staged their own review of everything they found and saw that night and still found Sheila to be responsible. So they'll say they were duped again, eh?

Do we still blame Harry ‘Bamber’ Houdini, then? Or is it about time the justice system and those responsible finally admitted to what they knew then and what they know now – Jeremy Bamber is innocent and should be freed.