Beadle Bamber!

Hiya!

Poor old Jeremy. Beadle, that is. He's dead now, lord rest his soul.  Which is a pity, cos the nation was robbed of seeing his greatest ever 'Beadle's About' prank.

It happened a year or so before the show started being shown on the telly. It was 1985 and Beadle and his chums were cruising round Essex trying to pick up the ladies... Rolling around town, elbows out the window, tops off and stereos up. Got the picture? Good.

Well, just as some of Picasso's early scribblings were about as impressive as a noodle on a poodle, it turned out that some of Beadle's 'pranks' weren't too clever, either. Like the one that never saw the light of day from White House Farm.

They weren't even supposed to be there. They were probably due to head to the nearest railway line to tie a lady to the track then cut her loose just as the steam engine whizzed passed her bum. She squeals, punches Beadle then realises the hilarity of it all when he discovers it was a prank and ends up rolling about laughing.

Instead they ended up a White House Farm, dressed as firearms officers. They were seemingly unaware of the real-life tragedy that saw members of a family killed and ended up making a right arse of affairs. They smashed through the door with a sledgehammer for some reason, started a food fight with a bowl of sugar and played Hunt the Thimble using sound moderators. Not clever!

All of it was recorded, too. Not only on audio but on the cameras built into their 'firearms' vests. Of course when they realised the error of their ways they took all the incriminating evidence and sent it off the Motorway and set fire to it, or something. So the world would be none the wiser and Beadle would get his TV show!

Well... of course, 90% of that is HOBNOB. I'm fairly sure Beadle wasn't involved that fateful night. It unfortunately wasn't filmed with vest cameras - though had it happened nowadays it might well have been, given that that's how firearms teams are to be equipped going forward.

The bits that are true, though?   That'd be the bit where the firearms team did make an absolute arse of things, did smash the door down with a sledgehammer. Police did record the audio of the whole thing and that evidence was destroyed. All fact.  The truest fact of all? Jeremy Bamber is in prison for killing his entire family and the world knows he didn't do it. It's so farcical that not even Beadle would've touched it with a bargepole. And that's saying something - he convinced one woman that the aliens had landed in her garden!

Honestly, it's out of this world...