Flat Planet's Guilty Myth

Where the other half presumably live...

Hello blog lovers.

It's funny, isn't it; how the world changes as the years go by and how our beliefs and fascinations change - we learn the awkward truth about the festive fatty (sorry, still bitter I didn't get that set of pink fluffy handcuffs that one time), the tooth fairy and the like. It's been the same all through time - lest we forget at one stage we all believed the earth was flat and that we'd all fall off if we travelled far enough. I could name thousands!

Our man Bamber's case is a bit like that you know, except over time some of us have become a lot better at growing out of certain myths than others. For instance:

- You know that dragonflies don't sew your lips shut - they don't have any needles, silly.
- You know you won't really become a zombie if you don't hold your breath when you pass a cemetery (seriously).
- You know your face won't stick that way if you pull a funny face as the wind changes (though I know of a lady's that has and she ain't never comin round to change my bedsheets...)

It's all just stuff people want you to keep believing. So why is that the silly sausages of the guilty brigade still try and shove decades' old horse crap into our faces?

You see, we didn't always know for a fact that Nevill, Jeremy's father, called the Police. But then the facts of the matter arrived and we discovered that he did.  It was new information, so we learned from it and it strengthened us. We didn't always know just exactly how and why Police got around things like silencers, super glue and paperweights, but now we do - cos we've learned.

But those who tell you our Bamber's a naughty egg are telling you the same stuff now as they did nigh-on thirty years ago. There's a good reason for that: like all those wives-tales and child-beliefs, it's all a load of HOBNOB, if you know what I mean? Do love a Hobnob, good with a brew.

They can't change the record - it's like the Zutons or local radio, they've got no new stuff! They'll tell you Jeremy hid the phone (he didn't), he wore a wet-suit (he didn't), he climbed through a window (he didn't), there was Sheila's blood in the moderator (there wasn't), he talked about killing them all (he didn't) and was found sat in the corner of a darkened room feasting on stale bread and cold mashed potato..... okay, so perhaps they don't tell you that, but they tell you the rest!

It's as pie in the sky as the world being flat - which it isn't... though a small, merry band of those who made all this happen will soon wish they could fall off and disappear....