Guest Blog: The Daily Knobbler - 08/09/1955

Jeremy ‘The Flash’ Bamber in BMX Row.

THERE IS much speculation over how Jeremy ‘The Flash’ Bamber, who murdered his family, got to and from the scene in 9 minutes. It is suspected that he was aided by ET (Speilberg’s Extra Terrestrial,) and a team of boys on BMX bicycles.

Witness, Mr Dolly Pargeter, a cousin, told the Daily Knobble in and exclusive interview, “Yeah man I was just snorting up another line when I saw Jeremy Bamber flying over the village of Tolleshunt D’arcy with an alien like creature wearing a sheet. I had to rub my eyes when I saw him dropping off pre arranged drugs deal in an air drop.”

It is believed that torches found in hedges in the surrounding area were used to guide in the BMX’s which were still being peddled by Bamber and his cronies as they left the scene flying up to 30 metres above ground level.

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What's that Mr Boutflour? Bamber's wasn't THAT kinda wet suit? Ohh...

It was also reported that a flying ‘Wet Suit’ rained down from the midnight sky and slapped Mr Robert Boutflour in the face as he sat fabricating his accounts so people would believe he wasn’t poor and wasn’t living off money from his mother in law. Mr Boutflour, was in fact such a rubbish farmer that he couldn’t afford to buy his own daughter’s land when she and her husband fell into financial difficulty. Instead the Boutflour’s and Eaton’s had to go ‘cap in hand’ to the late Nevill Bamber to bail out the couple, buying their land in a secret contract before he died. This was unknown to Jeremy Bamber and the jury wont be told this when they specifically ask if Mr Boutflour has motive to lie in court.

Mr Boutflour told The Daily Knobbler, “I thought to myself God almighty, if the boys down at the Masonic Lodge find out I’ve got no cash and I’m scabbing off the mother in law I shall be black balled. So I had to make some s**t up. I didn’t want to over egg the pudding too much but Jeremy Bamber is a ‘quee-ar’, looks like a queue-ar and sounds like a quee-ar, and as far as I am concerned he told me that he was going to shoot his family . . . .  when we were alone of course. It’s ‘in the bag’ because one of the old boys at the lodge is the N & J Bamber company solicitor, so he will ‘sort it’ for me.”

EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: Mr Boutlfour and his Solicitor discuss the fact that Bamber is probably a Quee-ar... You know, cos that's relevant. Well, that and bullsh*t!!